About Anatomy Rule
ME
I’m a Christ follower, and I was convicted at a young age to save sex for marriage. This blog is about why I chose this path and how I stuck to it. I watched so many of my friends want to wait for marriage and fall short. I watched tons of friends who wanted to be having sex experience avoidable pain and regret.
Now I’m married. I’ve had sex with my husband- bunches of it. I have the preggie photos (and a bunch of stories) to prove it.
I enjoy reading novels that happen to be Christian, contrary to “Christian novels.” I enjoy Rick Acker’s legal thrillers along with Dee Henderson and Terri Blackstock’s mysteries. I have a terrible sweet tooth. I like cooking, big DIY projects, learning Spanish, gardening, and sometimes exercising.
Abstinence is a topic I’m passionate about. I wrote this blog, because in my teens and 20s, I watched so many friends want to be abstinent until they were married, but so many fell to the wayside. Now in my 30s, there’s been enough time to see the consequences of premarital sex unfold for tons of people. I want to help. I want people to align with God’s Will. I want to empower people who wish to be abstinent actually accomplish this goal.
PURPOSE
This is a nondenominational, Christian blog without affiliation to a particular church home. It is biblically focused. It’s goals are:
Convince Christians to follow God’s will to abstain from sex until marriage
Provide the tools/method for doing so
Any more stringent physical boundaries (beyond intercourse) that people might choose would be a bonus
TARGET AUDIENCE
Modern, Dating Christians
Ages: Teens, young adult, adult
Statuses: Single, Divorced, Widowed, Separated
Any non-Christian interest is a bonus.
DISCLAIMER
I try to provide additional support and voices through other blogs, vlogs, and sites. I’ve done my best to ensure these links lead you to biblical, loving, relatable, and supportive material. I can’t vet everything ever posted by those sources. Therefore, if any of their affiliated content is anything other than what I intend, I apologize. Use the Bible as your guide as you filter what I, or anyone else, share.
THE SPIRITUAL JOURNEY OF THIS BLOG
Three Years of Saying Later
Three and a half years ago, I put my career on hold to focus on my family and myself. God and I had a lot of plans for that life season. At first, I thought I’d write a series of 7 novels showing Christians how to stay abstinent. Three years went by. I hadn’t written a thing. I wanted to. I talked about it. I felt called. But I didn’t act. I hate applying this word to myself, but yeah, I disobeyed. Maybe I’d do a blog instead.
Last November- 15 months ago
I made a folder in the computer to start storing my abstinence blog work. We moved to a new state. I anticipated a spring return to the workforce (again, not as a writer). I bought a new wardrobe. The next month, I hired a consultant and we prepped my resume.
A Few Months Later- 12 months ago
The holidays passed. That blog folder on my computer was still empty. I joined a good Bible study in my new town. I toured daycares and got on an indefinite wait list at the best one. Then COVID happened. The job hunt went on hold. Blogging was still a non-starter.
This September-ish- 6 months ago
I made a project plan, drafted the pilot post, and started focus group testing. It was really hard to get anyone to give me feedback, even with a quick and anonymous survey.
This October
Goodbye waitlist- we made it into daycare! I started applying for jobs and blogging simultaneously. The call to blog about abstinence was pulling even stronger at my heart. I prayed steadily for guidance with the blog and its timing with when I would find a job.
This November
Splitting my time and focus between writing and job hunting (among my other life responsibilities) just wasn’t working. I truly felt that I had to get the blog done before returning to work, or it would never get done. I didn’t want to live with that. I felt clearly called to do this. I didn’t want to ignore God. My Bible study group rallied around me and volunteered to be my editors. I got organized and started researching and writing.
I worried that getting a job would delay this blog or halt its progress forever. I postponed the job hunt altogether to focus on the blog. I kept asking God to give me the words to write and the timeline for my return to the workforce. I had a VERY awkward conversation about my husband about how we should keep paying for daycare on one income so that I could indefinitely not look for a job and instead write for God. My husband is patient. He is also an active Christian with the same mindset toward God’s Will. So, while he’s uncomfortable with it financially, he supports me. We financially support God’s work in other people and organizations. Looking at this as a version of supporting God’s kingdom work helped.
Mid-December
I’m learning about myself through this process. Though I’ve forgiven my husband for his previous sexual sin, I’m seeing my attitude more clearly. I’ve been somewhat aware over the years about how I see myself in comparison to him and how I have to live with that. I know God’s better about getting over it than I am. My recent research magnified this for me. At the same time, I’ve always known that the church I attended growing up presented the unbiblical stigma that sex is sinful and not to be discussed. My attitudes about forgiveness and the “dirtiness” of sex have shackled me for almost 10 years of marriage. As I have spent hours watching Youtube vlogs about abstinence, I’ve been struck by how warm and nonjudgmental they are. Multiple couples, some with checkered pasts, and some without, have repeatedly emphasized God’s love. I didn’t expect anyone, much less multiple couples, to share how their wedding night was about coming together in an intimacy that could only be achieved after making commitments with God and loved ones for the foreverness of their commitment to each other. They said that sex wasn’t awkward (or even that great) the first time. Yes, the couples admit to enjoying sex, but they didn’t really focus on the physical much at all. They found most of the value in their wedding night through this spiritual intimacy they’d made with each other. They found a whole new plane of unabashed freedom with each other. I’m surely not doing their stories justice. I wish I’d known that then. I wish I’d understood.
Mid-February
God has moved a lot of pieces recently. I couldn’t get anyone to follow through and give feedback for anything. Oddly, my cousin’s in-law, who I met at her wedding about 7 years ago paired up with me. She is passionate about this topic too and gave useful feedback. She also is working on a post or two of her own to add to the Anatomy Rule blog. She knows another guy who didn’t kiss his wife until the altar who might want to share their story. My mom’s friend suggested being interviewed to share her story. My babysitter is editing to tell me when wording isn’t teen-relatable. I just bought the web domain for the blog. Most of the content is moved over to Wix. I’m close to mapping a go-live timeline and prepping social media accounts to promote content and drive traffic to the blog.
A lot is happening. It’s really exciting. It’s also the project that feels like it will never end. I figured this idea would be about 2-3 blog posts. It’s exploded. I love seeing God show up to reinforce this work. All the while, I’m eager to get back to office work in my professional field. I don’t know how much longer the Anatomy Rule project will unfold or how it fits in my life balance going forward. It makes me uneasy. But I am glad to have finally acted on some version of the call.
I’m nervous and excited about publishing it all. For some stupid reason, I still feel embarrassed if it comes up that I waited until marriage to have sex, even among Christians. So sharing it on my personal FB wall for EVERY former colleague, friend, relative, and antagonistic FB friend to judge me is pretty nerve racking. However, I have to remind myself to be in the world not of it. That the Bible says people will be harsh toward Christians. That I don’t have to have the approval of others to feel good about myself. That God matters most.
Late February
I realized that topics will continue to roll in and that I can never wait to have everything ready before posting it all. I clicked Publish today.